As You Get Older, You Lose Friends

Ever since I graduated from university and started working, I have been feeling like I kind of lose my friends one by one. Some of them work outside Jakarta. Some of them are absolutely busy being a financially independent person because I know adults are supposed to be like that. Some of them are busy pursuing their dreams. Some of them are focusing on preparing their big phase in life called marriage. In a nutshell, I feel like I begin to lose time with my best friends. Even it’s hard just to have a chit-chat. And I start to feel like they are so busy that I mind telling them about my problems because perhaps it bothers them and waste their time. I don’t know if it’s a common feeling or not. Thus, I tried to make my own research just to make sure that I am not the only one person who experiences it.

Screen Shot 2017-12-08 at 15.35.01
Actually when I was typing “as you get older, you lose”, google suggested “as you get older you lose friends”. See? I’m not the only one who googled it. Then all that came up on the first page was in the picture above.

Well, I’m gonna point out some articles which have the strong explanations.

5 Reason Why It’s Okay to Lose Friends

They open up the article with saying that “Losing friends throughout the years can be difficult to understand. Sometimes, the people you were the closest to when you were younger tend to fall by the wayside, and your friendship becomes less and less of a priority. After making memories, sharing secrets and having fun together, it can be hard to let go of a friendship that doesn’t stand the test of time.

  • We have less time. As we grow older, there comes more responsibilities and we try to manage our time to the things which really matter to us. I can say that I agree with this reason. I can’t deny that since I started working, I have such a busy schedule. I work 5 days a week and sometimes overtime. I have limited time to be spent with my family and friends. Spare time I have only belongs to people who really play an important role in my life. I believe that this must happen to people who have already worked.
  • You stop tolerating those who aren’t genuine.  The article said. “You realize that the people you surround yourself with can either lift you up or bring you down, and you slowly cut people out of your life who are negative.” Well, this might be true. But this doesn’t happen to me by far.
  • You have more experience. Actually this point is related to the second one. As we grow older, it’s natural that we might experience a failure in our friendship. As time goes by, we know those whom we can rely on when things get tough.
  • Your priorities change. I definitely agree with this reason. Our priorities tend to change with age. When we are still in school, friends are our priority. After school, it could change. Our next priority could be our dream and success. If we have married, family especially children are absolutely our priority. Priority changes as the responsibilities that come to us, change as well. But one thing that I note from this point is, “While it’s natural for priorities to change, remember that friendship is still an essential key to happiness and wellness.
  • Your true friendships have grown. The articled said, “You develop deeper bonds and connections with every up and down you face together, and you begin to realize that quality is much more important than quantity.“. I couldn’t agree more with this. The main point of this reason is that as we get older, the ones who stay and have our back are our true friends.


This is the age when you start losing friends

This article has a specific explanation about the age when our social circle will shrink. The writer stated, “Men and women were found to be socially promiscuous — making more and more friends and social contacts until the age of 25, after which point they started losing them rapidly, with women losing them at an initially faster rate than men. The average 25-year-old woman contacts about 17.5 people per month, while a man contacts 19 people.” The findings are based on the research by scientists from Aalto University in Finland and the University of Oxford in England. The article said that as we get older, we become more focused on the valuable relationships we have. We will invest our time only for the relationship we really maintain. That’s why the number of friends we have slump.

It also said that women tend to be more intent on finding the correct partner. And once they have found the one, they invest more time in nurturing its relationship and lose other relationship with less value. When I read this part, I become somewhat sad because we never know how much our friendship’s value to someone is. And it hurts if we value our friendship more than the way our friends value it. But at the same time, I can’t deny that the desire to get married after reaching 25 years old makes us more focused on finding the right one (future husband).

This article also pointed out that the quantity doesn’t reveal the quality of a friendship. Even though, this era of technology makes us easier to raise the number of our friends, the value of face-to-face friendship will never change.


To summarize, those articles strengthen my statement. Perhaps I just need to realize that it’s natural to lose friends as I get older. It doesn’t only happen to me. It happens to people from all over the world. There’s a theory about that and it has been proven empirically. But to say it’s a good thing or not, I can’t conclude it now, because I haven’t experienced the whole scheme of it.



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